Save Me
by emm5683
Summary: What happens when you love someone? And then they're dead? What happens when you love someone? And you give up on them? What happens when you love someone? And you leave them? What happens when you love someone gone? Part 2 of the Pain Saga
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: Hey avid Twilight fans!**

**This is a sequel to _Hear Me_**

**I strongly suggest reading it before reading this, or else you will probably be a little (very) confused. Anyways, here is the summary of it:**

**Bella has had a traumatizing past. She escapes to Forks to live with her father, but continues to go downhill. Will a handsome man with golden eyes save her?**

**And for those of you who were with me for Hear Me, here is the second installment of the _Pain _Saga.**

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_I reached him just as I felt a gush of water spill through my legs._

In a flash two cold arms held me close. "Edward?" I cried.

"Shh. Bella I'm right here." He answered.

"Something's wrong." I murmured. "It's too early, I can't be in labor."

He looked at me strangely. "But you are." Then he swept me into his arms, and started to run as fast as a human out of the building.

I felt like I was being stabbed in my freaking vagina. "Fuck! Edward!" I shrieked as the pain worsened.

Alice came in time to start the car while Edward sat me down in the front seat. He was about pull the seat belt around me when I fell over in pain. Both their hands pushed me up before I could hit the soft floor of the volvo. He hurried into the passenger seat as I sprawled out across the seat, clutching my ballooning belly.

I felt blood trickle down my thighs. More tears streamed down my cheeks. I put my right hand to the source of the blood and lifted it to my face. My whole hand was covered in blood.

I started to breath in really fast as realization hit.

"Edward hurry up!" I shrieked.

I felt one more sharp pain before I blacked out.

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I hear panicked voices and a beeping sound. Something is whooshing past my ears. My eyes flutter open and I see I'm in the too white hallways of Forks hospital. My fingers scrunch up the fabric of the gurney I'm on.

"Bella!" Edward yells. Nurses are pushing me towards an elevator. I look down and see my ruined blue dress and blood stained legs.

"Holy shit." I murmured. "Holy fucking shit!" Then the all too familiar pains started again. I groaned. "Get her out!" I screamed. They take me into an elevator, and the couple minutes we wait, kills me. I black out again right as the doors open.

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"Bella I need you to open eyes for me." Carlisle's voice said soothingly. I opened them right as I choked on my own spit.

"Carlisle," I breathed. I grabbed his coat. "You have to save her."

"I'll do my best." He promised and then he left the room right as another contraction hit. I realized someone was holding my hand. I looked down to find it belonging to Edward.

"Stay with me." I said quietly as the nurses bustled around the room.

He looked at me with pained eyes. "I promise-"

Alice came running through the door, with Charlie trailing behind her.

"Only two people at a time!" One of the nurses yelled.

They both ignored her.

I kept screaming as the pain hit one right after another. "Make it stop!" Then I heard Carlisle come back in.

"Bella, you're far too dilated to get an epidural." I groaned in protest. "But you can start pushing." I nodded as the nurses started setting up all the supplies. Charlie let Alice stay with me. He kissed my forehead before leaving.

"You have practically the whole town in the waiting room." He was on the verge of tears.

They cut my dress off and I saw Alice try to hide her disappointment and then they pulled a hospital gown over my stained, naked body.

"I want Rosalie in here!" I yelled. Then they snuck Rose in.

She gave me a pep talk. "You can do this."

"NO I can't! It hurts so bad!" Tears were dripping down my face again. I convulsed in my bed as each wave of pain hit.

"Yes you can! Don't say that!" She tried to encourage me. "Think of Ellie, and how badly you want to get her out and safe and in your arms!"

I nodded, and determination scorched through me.

When Charlie left Alice and Edward were on both sides of me, I was gripping on them for dear life as each contraction came. Rosalie was watching the actual birth video taping it.

"Push!" Carlisle yelled.

"Come on!" Rosalie cheered.

I tried my hardest to push, crying as the pain still came, Edward kept trying to calm me down with his words, but I didn't listen. "Fuck me!" I screamed. I saw Edward flinch.

"She's almost out!" He shouted. The head is supposed to come out first right? Why wasn't she crying?

"I can see her head!" Rose exclaimed.

"EDWARD! Why isn't she crying!" I snapped.

"Bella, shh. Calm down. Start worrying about why she isn't crying when she actually comes out." He forced a smile. I shook my head as I pushed one more time.

Edward looked over as Carlisle took her in his arms. "She's so tiny." He murmured. Then I started bawling.

I saw her little red body shaking as she tried to cry. Carlisle stuck that funnel thing in her mouth, and then it sounded like a baby pig dying. Then relief flooded me. She was crying. Carlisle brought her over to show me. She had 10 fingers and 10 toes. So far so good.

Then they whisked her out of the room.

"What?" I shrieked. "What are they doing?" I cried.

I looked at Edward. I clutched his hand crying as I realized, she survived.

"Bella," Carlisle came in again, "Ellie is very premature and very sick." I shook my head not wanting to hear what he was going to say next. "You should be prepared in the case that she doesn't live."

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**a/n: In the middle of writing this chapter, my family and I went out for ice cream. on the way there, I found out one my friends was killed in a car accident. I was shocked and devastated. And to top it off, when she was born, she was really sick. So the tips of her fingers were cut off and so was one of her feet. Given what she has gone through in her life, she definitely didn't deserve to die so young. (she was only 22).**

**On a lighter note, REVIEW :))))))))))))**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: This chapter was incredibly hard to write...**

**Special Thanks to twilight64231, hopelessromanticgurl, & Calibeachbabe for helping me with some ideas and even suggesting some. You guys helped me so much! I'm so grateful to have to guys as readers! Without you guys, these past and future couple of chapters probably would be very bad.**

**Chapter Playlist:**

My Heart- Paramore** The Twist- Metric **Popular- Wicked **Magic (Feat. Fivers Cuomo of Weezer)- B.o.B. **Start the Fire- No Doubt** Hey There Delilah- Plain White T's **The Climb- Miley Cyrus** Sick Muse- Metric **White Gold- Metric** All Around Me- Flyleaf **Spotlight (Twilight Mix)- Mute Math** Josey- Hey Monday

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I breathed in heavily as sleep left my body. I felt something cold under my palm. I blinked my eyes and looked up to see Edward. He smiled at me.

"Good morning sleeping beauty." I blushed the tiniest bit. I looked around the hospital room expecting to see my baby, but then I remembered she was in the NICU. My eyes still stinged from crying so much the night before. After they stitched me up, they let me visit Ellie.

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I grasped Edward's hand as he helped me trudge down the hallway. I was still in a lot of pain. A nurse named Janie greeted me with a sad smile as we entered. Her eyes went back to the little body inside the glass. I walked closer to it, forgetting Edward was with me. I put my hand through the one of the holes and fixed the oversized hat on her head that had tilted to the side. "Can I touch her?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I'm only supposed to at certain times." I pressed my hand against the glass separating me and my child. I noticed that her right leg was black. I looked up at the nurse questionably. Her fingers were also webbed and very short.

"The nerve endings weren't finished developing in her leg and her fingers weren't done growing. Once she's stable enough, we are going to amputate it and fix her fingers." She stared blankly at the little "bed" Ellie was in. "She's a fighter, you know. They didn't think she was going to make it from the delivery room to the NICU." I felt my throat grow tight.

"Is it hard?" I asked with asperity in my voice. "To be around sick babies and sometimes watch them die before your own eyes."

She nodded silently. I blew kisses to Ellie and Edward pulled over a rocking chair so I could sit down. I refused to sit. He rolled his eyes and then sat down on the chair. I watched Ellie, with the little thing over her eyes because the light was too harsh for her eyes, with her breathing slow and calming. She had a bit of blonde peach fuzz on the top of her head. Her small figure was still red and raw. My eyes traced the wires running in and out of her. Tears clouded my vision as they streamed down my face.

"You're making yourself upset. Sit down." Edward said softly. I hopped onto his lap and snuggled my face into his neck.

"Why did this have to happen to her?" I asked sadly.

He never answered me. He just continued to stare at Ellie until Charlie came in to see her.

He watched me intently.

Edward cleared his throat. "Bella, I'm going to get some dinner," he glanced at the time on the clock. It was four in the morning. "Or how about a snack?" He asked. I nodded. He hurried out of the room leaving me and Charlie in there with Ellie.

"Are you okay Bells?" I shook my head distantly. He frowned. "Mike is here. He wants to see her." I shook my head again. Charlie stared at me again. He put his hands on my shoulders. "Hang in there kid." He leaned in and kissed me on the forehead, and then hugged me. "I love you."

I mouthed the words "I love you too.", because I was unable to voice any words.

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I rubbed my eyes as Edward slid some breakfast in front of me. I frowned. I couldn't eat. He sighed. "Bella, you have to eat." He said sternly. I looked away.

"You should go home." I murmured.

"I'm fine here."

I looked down at the jello. "No, you're not. I'm aggravating you." He sat down next to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"I'm not leaving you." He insisted.

"He's telling the truth. In fact you guys are going down to see Ellie in a few minutes." Alice chirped as she danced through the door.

Damn fortune teller.

She handed me some clothes and I slowly walked into the bathroom to change into something besides this retarded hospital gown.

Edward and I locked hands again, and I made sure I had my camera so I could take pictures today. We walked silently to the NICU. There were a lot of doctors surrounding Ellie when we walked to her room. My head hurt with unknown stress.

Carlisle came out of the group and approached us.

"We don't think she is going to make it Bella." He said quietly. I stayed motionless as it sunk in. Edward's grip tightened on me, as mine did on his. "Do you want to hold her while you still can?" I forced a smile and nodded. Edward dragged me towards the case where I noticed the monitors were beeping as her health declined. I sniffled back the tears. I pulled out my camera and took a picture of her. Rosalie came in too, and watch Ellie with us. Then she started to video tape us.

Emmett soon followed in and tried to crack jokes, but no one was in the mood for them.

I sat down on the rocking chair as pictures were being take of Ellie. I rubbed my calves, the edge of my thumbnail gently pricking my skin. I pressed into it.

Then a nurse opened the thing that they keep premies in. Rosalie pointed the camera at me as Ellie was in the hands of the nurse. I braced myself for holding my child for the first time. Then I felt the softness of the furry blanket beneath her as she was before me, in my own arms. I felt a grin spread onto my lips. The camera in Edward's hand flashed at us. The beeping noise on the machines got louder and more urgent, but I ignored it, embracing the moment. I caressed her small cheek with my pinky. The lights were dim in the room so the cover could be take off her eyes. She stared at me with wonder. I could feel her breathing against my chest. I sighed in content.

"Hi, I'm your mommy." I whispered. I kissed her forehead gently. "I love you."

"Shit!" Rosalie exclaimed. "Emmett, I told you to make sure the batteries were charged!" She playfully slapped his arm. I giggled.

Ellie eyes faltered and her breaths came more and more slow. Until I didn't feel anything anymore and then the dead beep of the machines broke into the air. I looked up and saw Rosalie's face in shock and then Edward drop my camera on the floor as he ran to get the nurse.

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**a/n: I have nothing to say besides sad face. :(**

**REVIEW... They make me real happy!**


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: Bash me. I haven't updated 20 days. That's pretty bad of me. But I'm only human. Sometimes you just don't have time to do things. But I'm planning on getting back on track with this story.**

**By the way, I thought I lost my plans for the rest of the series and then I remembered where I put them. You have NO idea how bad I would've freaked out if they were actually lost! Lol**

**I only got two reviews last chapter. Not a happy camper. Please, if you're reading, REVIEW! They inspire me so much. That's partially why I just randomly stop updating my stories, because no one is reviewing, and it makes me feel like no one is reading.

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_She closed her eyes and her breaths came more and more slow. Until I didn't feel anything anymore and then the dead beep of the machines broke into the air. I looked up and saw Rosalie's face in shock and then Edward drop my camera on the floor as he ran to get the nurse._

My arms started trembling. I looked away, not able to lay my eyes on the lifeless baby. _My_ lifeless baby.

"Take her away!" I shrieked. This isn't fair. A mother's own child shouldn't have to die in their own arms. "I can't look anymore!" Rosalie panicked and picked Ellie up as Edward and the nurses swarmed through the door. Edward's arms immediately enveloped me. I sobbed into his chest as they took my baby girl out of the room. "Why me?" I hiccupped. Then I looked around the room and realized everyone left us alone. But it was to much to be in the room my daughter died in and I jumped out of Edward's arms, frozen in my place, not sure what to do. I ripped out all the wires going into my skin.

Edward tried to run like a human as I darted through to the hallway.

"Leave me alone!" I shouted. "Go away!"

_"You thought I wouldn't find out!" Someone hollered into my ear. I froze, and turned around on my heel to see Mike fuming. My eyes searched the crowd for Edward and I spotted him glaring at Alice._

_"Mike, leave me alone." I whimpered._

_"How can you not tell me you were pregnant with my child?" He asked._

_"How the hell did you find out anyway?" I snarled._

_"Some kid named Jacob came up to me and told me the other day." He said furiously._

_"Jacob?" I said realizing it was my Jake, Jacob Black. "Fuck."_

_"You can't keep me from knowing my own child!"_

_"Mike, stop please." I cried as he kept yelling at me._

_"Yes I can!" I screamed, a few heads turned and looked at me. "You don't deserve to know her! To be her father! To be around her! To even know her name!" I shrieked. The pain in my abdomen continued, but the pain was worse. My hand flung to my stomach, holding it. I felt like I was about to double over in pain. "Go away Mike." I said quietly._

I now had a mission.

I stopped to glance at a map until I found the maternity waiting room. Edward's shouts followed me as I stumbled into the room full of people. I recognized most from school. Angela ran up to me, still in her prom dress.

"Bella!" She tried to hug me but I bolted for Mike who was sitting in the corner of the room with his head in his hands.

"I hate you!" I screamed. I smacked his face. He looked up at me, shocked. "Go to hell! Go to fucking hell!" Charlie hurried over to me.

"Bella, what happened?"

I stepped away from him. "You want to know what happened? Him!" I lunged toward him. "I'll strangle you! It's all your fault she's dead!" Mike just sat there, not defending himself at all. He pushed me back a few inches.

"Wait, who died?" He asked, confused.

"Ellie! And it's because of you!" I went in to punch him when I felt Edward's stone arms pull me back. I continued to yell at him. "You had me all stressed! And it's because of YOU that she was born early, and now she's fucking dead!" The receptionist just watched us in awe, not calling security or anything. Edward starts to drag me back towards my room.

For the rest of the night, Edward soothes me as I cry in the dark. Sometimes it subsides, and I just listen to Edward's comforting words. But most of the time, I'm wailing into his shirt.

Three days later, and I'm mute. Empty. Sad.

The doctors wanted to hold me for mental observation, but Carlisle was against it. Saying that he'll keep a close eye on me.

So I get to go home. Yay.

"Bella, you ready?" Edward asks. I nod, but then point to the bathroom. "Of course, I'm going to go give them your papers and then come back okay? And then Charlie will take us back to you house." I nodded once more and then he left the room.

Now it was my time for my escape plan I concocted in my head during my shower this morning. I placed the note I wrote on the bed.

It said:

Dear Edward,

"Often we can help each other most by leaving each other alone; at other times we need the hand-grasp and the word of cheer."

**I need to be left alone.**

"Everything you want in life has a price connected to it. There's a price to pay if you want to make things better, a price to pay just for leaving things as they are, a price for everything."

**I need to make things better. The price I'm paying is not being with you.**

"I never wanted to go away, and the hard part now is the leaving you all. I'm not afraid, but it seems as if I should be homesick for you even in heaven."

**I'll never stop missing you.**

"You never really leave a person you love, part of them you take with you ,leaving a part of yourself behind."

**I love you.**

**-Bella**

I grabbed the bags that were resting on the hospital bed, and put all my strength into carrying them down the hallway. I went through the back entrance of the maternity ward and walked out towards the front of the hospital to wait for call for a taxi.

Once one strolled over I quickly climbed in because surely either Alice had a vision or Edward noticed I was gone by now.

"Port Angeles." I mumbled. He opened his mouth to object. "Don't want to hear about it. I'm a paying customer, aren't I?"

He totaled the cost and I gave him the money. And then, off we went.

About an hour later, we were at a stoplight. I noticed the cab driver look at me through the mirror.

"I know you." He murmured. "You're Swan's kid. The one who lost…" He stopped talking as I suddenly put my headphones back in. I guess he noticed I didn't want to talk about it.

After we finally got to the airport I collected my things. "Good luck kid." The cab driver said. And then he sped off. I huffed and waddled up the steps into the small building. I bought my ticket and then went through security before sitting down at the correct gate. I timed it perfectly. I wouldn't have to wait that long, the plane should be here in five minutes. I glanced out the big tiled window and saw the commercial airplane pull in. I smiled to myself. They announced the plane arrival and we started to get in line. As the line started to move forward the intercom came on again.

"If there is a Bella Swan here, can she please report to information? You have some friends looking for you." I blushed and moved faster with the line.

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**A/N: You must be thinking, what the _hell_ is Bella thinking/doing? Don't worry, if I had Bella leave Forks for good, this story wouldn't be that interesting. :) I'm not saying she'll go back right away though.**

**Remember. My story. I can do what I want.**

**REVIEW**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**Chapter Playlist: Magic's in the Makeup- No Doubt 7 Things- Miley Cyrus Gimme Sympathy- Metric Bleed American- Jimmy Eat World Sometimes- No Doubt Heavy In Your Arms- Florence + the Machine Hey There Delilah- Plain White T's Possibility- Lykke Li Airplanes (feat. Hayley Williams of Paramore)- B.o.B. Here It Goes- Jimmy Eat World Leave Out All the Rest- Linkin Park Where is My Head- Hey Monday Hella Good- No Doubt My Heart- Paramore Mr. Pushover- Hey Monday 21 Guns- Green Day**

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_After we finally got to the airport I collected my things. "Good luck kid." The cab driver said. And then he sped off. I huffed and waddled up the steps into the small building. I bought my ticket and then went through security before sitting down at the correct gate. I timed it perfectly. I wouldn't have to wait that long, the plane should be here in five minutes. I glanced out the big tiled window and saw the commercial airplane pull in. I smiled to myself. They announced the plane arrival and we started to get in line. As the line started to move forward the intercom came on again._

_"If there is a Bella Swan here, can she please report to information? You have some friends looking for you." I blushed and moved faster with the line._

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_"Mommy!"_

_I swung around and looked at the little girl with golden curls run towards me. She had a big smile on her face. She jumped into my arms and planted a big kiss on my cheek. "I love you!" She giggled. I looked into her eyes and realized they were my own chocolate brown orbs. I yelped. She put a hand to my face. "Momma?" Her head cocked to the side. "Momma, what's wrong?"_

_A door behind us snapped shut. "Daddy!" She squealed. She hopped out of my lap and ran into a man's. I slowly looked up to see Edward cradling her._

_Ellie._

"Miss! The plane landed!"

I jumped awake and blinked my eyes.

It was only a dream. I think.

I held onto my throat, where a scream was trapped. I stumbled up to my feet and grabbed my small carry on bag. I checked my cell phone. I haven't looked at it since I left the hospital.

**29 Missed Phone Calls**

**37 New Text Messages**

I shook my head and walked off the plane. Once I got a signal back, the phone calls increased to 39 calls and 48 messages. I frowned and walked to luggage. I sat impatiently by a vending machine. I tapped my foot. I was playing a song unconsciously. I just didn't know what it was. Once my bags came along the conveyor belt and hauled it out of the airport. I had no idea where the hell I was going.

I stopped and flopped onto a bench near a fountain. I scrolled through the contacts on my phone.

It took half a ring for him to pick up.

"Hello?" He answered breathless.

"Dylan?" I asked. I felt my eyes sting. _I can't breakdown here._

"Bella?" He sighed. "I can't believe it's you-"

"I need you to pick me up." I interrupted.

"Pick you up? What do you mean? We haven't spoken in months and then you call me to pick you up? Where the hell are you? Mom's?"

"No." I said quietly. "The Phoenix airport."

He groaned. "Fine. I'll be there soon." I hung up before he could talk anymore. I shrugged and then went through my text messages.

**From: Edward**

**Where are you?**

**From: Edward**

**Now I'm getting really worried**

**From: Alice**

**Bella! I had a vision. If you have run, you're in big trouble**

**From: Edward**

**That's it I'm about to ask Alice**

**From: Alice**

**Now Edward know's. Come on Bella. Please just answer your phone**

**From: Alice**

**He's freaking out. We're gonna tell Charlie**

**From: Charlie**

**I called you a few times but you didn't answer. Alice and Edward said they can't find you. Please call me back sweetie. I love you.**

**From: Edward**

**You need to answer one of us.**

**From: Edward**

**Why did you run?**

I felt tears in my eyes and wiped them away with my sleeve. I scrolled down to some of the latest messages.

**From: Edward**

**Please Bella. What's the point of having a phone if you don't answer our calls?**

**From: Alice**

**I saw a vision of you on a plane. Please don't go on.**

**From Edward:**

**Bella,**

**Since you aren't answering my calls, I thought I'd say everything here.**

**I don't understand why you left. But I saw your note. You want to leave, so I must let you. Just- Please contact me and let me know your okay. I won't be able to live with myself if you're hurt.**

**I love you.**

I twisted my mouth. I'm hurt in more ways than one.

"Bella!" I threw my phone back into my bag and looked up to see Dylan running out of his car.

He threw hands around me. "You fucking scared me." He smiled. "Mom always said you were the stubborn one." I looked down at my shoes and climbed into his car.

"Mini van?" I asked.

"Yeah. You remember Fiona right?" I shook my head. When my brother turned 18, him and my mom got into a huge fight. She didn't want me talking to him. That was three years ago. I haven't spoken to Dylan in three years. "Of course you don't. You've never met her. Well we're having a baby." I felt my stomach churn. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked at his left hand. The wedding band stood out. I didn't know he got married.

"Can- Can I stay with you for a while?" I asked quickly. The car pulled to an abrupt stop as he parked on the side of the rode.

"What the hell is going on?" He asked. I hesitated and then breathed in deeply.

"Well, I dated this kid Mike. I unknowingly got pregnant and he abused me a lot during the relationship. A little bit after we broke up I found out I was having his child. Then I started to talk to this guy, Edward. I really liked him, and he didn't care that I was knocked up. We started dating." I smiled sadly. "It's the best relationship I've ever had. But then," I pouted for a second. "last week, I went into labor and I was early." I looked away and out at a couple holding hands. "She died in my arms. Her name was Ellie Rose." I squeezed my eyes shut. "It's not fair." I realized I didn't tell him why I needed a place to crash. "I couldn't handle Forks-"

"You were with Dad?" Dylan asked incredulously.

I looked at him. "Yeah."

"Why?"

"Because, Phil physically abused me and I ran away because mom didn't believe me." I fumbled with my fingers in my lap. "Anyways, I couldn't handle Forks anymore so I needed to escape. And I couldn't go back to mom's. She didn't even care I was pregnant when Charlie called her." I needed to tell him that other thing. "And- She also didn't believe that I was-that I-I-was-I-" I breathed in deeply again. "Raped."

I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye. "I don't want sympathy, if that's what you're about to give me. My life is shit. I don't need someone to tell me that tomorrow I'll wake up and the sun will shine brightly and I'll have a real smile on my face and my heart will be one, not broken into pieces."

Then Dylan started to drive again. He didn't say he was sorry or that things will be better. I was thankful for that.

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**A/N: I'm finally developing a writing schedule that works! Woohoo! REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: Compared to what I normally write, this is a pretty lengthy chapter! Yay, be proud, be proud.**

**So I really had this written for a long time, but fanfiction was being retarded and wouldn't let me update ANY of my stories :(**

**Special thanks to hopelessromanticgurl, Esme Nicole Cullen, and twilightnaley19 for reviewing last chapter.**

**Chapter Playlist: Misery Business- Paramore Waiting Room- No Doubt New Perspective- Panic! At the Disco We're Okay- RENT I Love You- Avril Lavigne Drumming Song- Florence + the Machine The Police and the Private- Metric The Twist- Metric Brighter- Paramore Artificial Sweetener- No Doubt Collect Call- Metric These Words ( I love you)- Natasha Bedingfield Decode- Paramore Here It Goes- Jimmy Eat World It's Time to Dance- Panic! At the Disco Start the Fire- No Doubt Hear You Me- Jimmy Eat Word According to You- Orianthi I Hope You Dance (Special Appearance Sons of Desert)- Lee Ann Womack Helena- My Chemical Romance Another Day- RENT Tune Up #2- RENT Ottoman- Vampire Weekend Running- No Doubt All That I'm Living For- Evanescence You're Beautiful- James Blunt Blindness- Metric Nine In the Afternoon- Panic! At the Disco Hey, Soul Sister- Train My Heart- Paramore Very Loud- Shout Out Louds**

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_"Because, Phil physically abused me and I ran away because mom didn't believe me." I fumbled with my fingers in my lap. "Anyways, I couldn't handle Forks anymore so I needed to escape. And I couldn't go back to mom's. She didn't even care I was pregnant when Charlie called her." I needed to tell him that other thing. "And- She also didn't believe that I was-that I-I-was-I-" I breathed in deeply again. "Raped."_

_I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye. "I don't want sympathy, if that's what you're about to give me. My life is shit. I don't need someone to tell me that tomorrow I'll wake up and the sun will shine brightly and I'll have a real smile on my face and my heart will be one, not broken into pieces."_

_Then Dylan started to drive again. He didn't say he was sorry or that things will be better. I was thankful for that._

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The rest of the car ride Dylan kept turning his head, staring at me every couple seconds as if to make sure I was real.

When we pulled into a community of a bunch of townhomes, I fidgeted. Kids ran around chasing each other, a little girl took wobbly steps back and forth to her mother and father. I smiled at her.

The car pulled into a driveway and Dylan hopped out. He walked over and opened my door for me. I followed him up the little steps that led to the front door. He opened it and I looked around as I stepped in.

It looked like your average family home. A little glass coffee table in the middle of the living room, a leather couch with a nice blanket draped over it. I plopped down onto it as Dylan walked in a room I assumed to be the kitchen.

The sink flowed and dishes clacked.

"Your sister?" A raspy voice asked, astonished. I tightened my lips into a tight line. I looked around the front room some more. There was a bookcase and the top two shelves that were filled with baby and parenting books. On the table in front of me sat my brother's wedding picture. There was unusual things that stood out though, there was posters of all the classic movies and music posters. Then there was a picture on the wall by the staircase with Tim Curry in Rocky Horror Picture Show in it.

I smiled.

"Yeah." Dylan answered back.

"Well can I meet her already?" She giggled. Soft footsteps hurried towards me. A girl probably about twenty or twenty one appeared before me. Her hair was died a bright red and she wore eyeliner rimmed around her green eyes. She was very thin, except for the small bump hiding under her Aerosmith T-shirt. Tattoos wrapped around her in random places like her ankle and her wrists. She wore a skirt over a ripped pair of tights. I grinned. She was definitely my brother's type. Dylan himself had tattoos, gauges, spiked hair, and was obsessed with music. They were like two peas in a pod.

Dylan came behind her, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing her belly.

"So this is the infamous Bella?" She asked excitedly. I nodded. She leaned in and hugged me. She pulled away. "I'm Fiona and this-" She gestured to her swollen stomach, "Is baby _unnamed_." She glared at Dylan and then laughed, kissing his cheek.

She sat down next to me.

"Do you guys want anything to drink?" Dylan asked.

"Coffee!" Fiona yelled. I looked at the retro clock that sat on the biggest wall. It was nine in the morning. "The doctor said that coffee isn't the best thing to drink during my pregnancy, but at least I'm not drinking and smoking." She winked. "I had to reduce my amount of morning coffee to two cups." Dylan came back with one for Fiona and one for me.

I realized I haven't said a word yet. "When are you due?" I asked.

Her mouth spread into a toothy grin. "Not for another six months." She flung her head back and stuck out her tongue. The past three months felt like forever.

"Don't worry, they will go by fast." I murmured. Dylan sat in a big chair next to the couch.

She whipped her head back to me and stared. "How would you know?" She asked slowly.

"Because-"

"Fiona! I think we should talk in the kitchen." He kept jerking his head towards the swinging door until she finally stood.

I heard them talk quietly for about 10 minutes. Then they both walked out.

Fiona grabbed my hand. "I'll show you your room while Dylan gets your bag from the car." I nodded, swallowing hard. We went into a little hallway that led to a bedroom. There was a dusty treadmill and various other exercise equipment spread throughout the room.

"This was the exercise room until we started to let our friends crash here." She bit her lip. "We don't really hang out with those people now though. There is a guest room upstairs if you would prefer to sleep up there. And not alone down here." She offered.

"No I'm fine here." I said sweetly. Dylan came in and set my bag on my bed. Fiona stared at him for a few seconds.

"Oh I have to go….. mow the lawn." He hurried out of the room. Fiona was about to laugh.

"He never mows the lawn. We have a service do it for us." She snorted. She sat down on the bed and patted the space next to her. I sat down. "You know Bella, it's funny what a smile could do. It did a lot for me. It helped me lie." Her eyes sharpened. "When I was younger I was bullied so bad. I hated everything. My first suicide attempt was when I was thirteen. I tried to hang myself. I forgot to lock the door and my mom walked in. It injured my throat, which is why my voice sounds so raspy. I started making myself throw up because they all call me fat.

"My second attempt was when I was sixteen. I tried to drown myself in the community pool at night. I met Dylan that night. He saved me. I jumped in with weights in my pocket. He was sitting on the ledge of the water smoking. I guess he finally noticed that I wasn't coming up. I got bronchitis and pneumonia. Dylan and I became friends after that. We had a couple of classes at school, but we didn't' actually know each other.

"When I was seventeen I reached the weight of 64 pounds. I don't even remember how I got sent to the clinic. I guess I had a seizure in the middle of math class. I had to be 90 pounds before they sent me home. It was hard to do, and it took me a long time. I started to develop anorexic tendencies too then. It was hard to throw up there. By the time I finally got out, senior year was almost over. I finished all my schoolwork during my time at the clinic so I sat at home for a month. A remember on what would have been the last day of school, your brother came over and we played a Ouija board the whole afternoon." She smiled. "He kissed me that night. We had a slight relationship I guess. We both started community college. Then when he got kicked out of his house because of that fight with your mom, he bought this town house.

"There was a lot of parties. A lot of drinking. A lot of drugs. And too many times we got busted by the cops. Of course we always ran away before they could cuff us. When he was 19 I found out I was pregnant with his child. I told him if he didn't stop doing drugs, I would leave him. He was clean for the first week. Then the first signs of withdrawal set in from the heroin, he panicked." I bit my lip. I didn't know all of this happened to them. "I found newly bought heroin he left in his pockets." She shook her head. "Of course I didn't keep my word and I stayed with him. But I didn't tell him that this was the last chance.

"The date was January 26, 2010. A little more than a year ago. We were driving home from a party that I didn't want to go to. I didn't know he was on anything because he was acting quite normal. I remember I hid out in the bathroom at the party. I didn't want to be around the smoke and the alcohol and the drugs. It wasn't good for me.

"I was only three weeks pregnant at the time. Dylan's pupils were really small, but I didn't think anything of it at the time and he started the car. Then we started to drive. We stopped at an intersection and he leaned into the seat. He closed his eyes and I noticed he was breathing really slowly. The light turned green. I told him to go. He abruptly moved forward. His body started to move more into the steering wheel now. His head was almost on it. His nails and lips turned blue and I realized that he was barely breathing. I screamed his name. Then as we were going through another intersection, his eyes closed and he slumped over. The car stopped in the middle of the light.

"For the first couple of seconds I was too shocked to do anything. I sat there hyperventilating. The next thing I know the car behind us slammed into our little car. We slid forward a little bit. The light changed to red, and then some stupid people didn't realized what happened started driving. I was screaming as I looked out of my window at three cars coming towards us. I hugged my stomach, with my head in between my knees. I heard a car horn right as we made impact.

"The next thing I know I'm on a stretcher in the middle of the street with EMTs checking my vital signs. I sit up and cough up blood. I looked down at the gashes along my body. Most notably my stomach. I was screaming then. They immediately brought me into the ambulance. As they lifted me in, I looked at the accident. I saw five cars wrapped around each other. I shut my eyes and waited until I was at the hospital.

"They didn't even tell me I lost my baby until the morning. They thought I would freak out even more because when I got there, I learned that Dylan was starting to go through a heroin overdose at the end of the party. So when he "fell asleep" he really fell into a coma. We both suffered concussions. I broke my arm and my head was sliced open because I was pushed into the window. Dylan's injuries were even worse than mine. And mine were pretty bad. I have scars all over my stomach where the front of the car was smashed in." She slowly lifted up her shirt showing me the raised purple lines.

"When we both got home, I was depressed. I lost more weight, but tried to keep it above 70 pounds. I secretly cut myself around my legs." She rolled up her tights and showed the tiny little scars scattered around on her pale skin. "About a month after the accident, Dylan slowly started to relapse again. It started with smaller drugs and then I knew what would come next. I threatened to move out. It didn't work. I threatened to leave him. It didn't work either.

"Then came suicide attempt number three. When Dylan was at one of his classes one day I grabbed one of his razor head packages. I took one out and took the razor out of the plastic. I laid in our bathroom tub, and filled it to the brim with water. I slowly cut myself and watched the blood trickle down into the water, staining it red. We don't use the bathtub in that bathroom any more. We could never get the stains out. As it became harder to keep my eyes open and focus on holding the small piece of metal, I let my arm hang out and dropped the razor on the cold tile. We later replaced the tile in that bathroom too. But then I heard the front door open and Dylan running through the house looking for me and calling my name. He finally reached our bathroom. I remembered to lock the door this time and I remember smiling when he cursed at the door for being locked. I would win this time. But he knocked it down of course. I was picked up out of the water. He held me close as he called 911. He kept telling me over and over again he was sorry and that he is the one who should be dying. When the ambulance came and rushed me to the hospital, Dylan stayed by my side the whole time. I broke down and cried. He hardly ever saw me cry. I always smiled in front of him. I was a good liar. The scars on my wrist are the worse." She moved her bracelets up on both wrists and flung them out. They looked like mine, except worse. "He proposed to me at the hospital. I remember one morning waking up and he wasn't there. Then a couple hours later he came back and then he asked me to marry him. He bought me the ring that morning."

I pulled up my own sleeves and revealed my own scars. "I didn't try to kill myself though." She pulled me in for a hug.

"I know it's tough Bella. But Dylan is worried about you. Neither of us wants you to be counting your suicide attempts like me. Or even succeeding in them. I can see you're in pain. I know you barely know me but I'm here for you." I nodded.

"I promise I'll only stay here for the summer." I said.

She smiled. "You can stay here for as long as you want." She squeezed my shoulder and stood out and walked out of the room.

* * *

**A/N: Review gets you a sneak peek of the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: I haven't updated in about month. I'm really sorry. I'm just going through a terribly hard time of my life. Hope you can understand. In case you didn't read this note, I'm putting this at the bottom too.**

**Chapter Playlist: 7 Things- Miley Cyrus Push- Avril Lavigne Pressure- Paramore Front Row- Metric Careful- Paramore Not Enough- Avril Lavigne I don't Wanna Dance- Hey Monday Symphonies- Dan Black Santa Fe- RENT Not Like The Movies- Katy Perry New- No Doubt A little Something Refreshing- No Doubt Voice Mail #1- RENT No Sound But the Wind- Editors Hot N Cold- Katy Perry Last Words- The Real Tuesday Weld Too Late- No Doubt Because of You- Kelly Clarkson Call Me When You're Sober- Evanescence All I Wanted- Paramore Sugar, We're Going Down- Fall Out Boy Trapped in A box- No Doubt Wondergirl- Hey Monday Brighter- Paramore Black Star- Avril Lavigne Artificial Sweetener- No Doubt**

* * *

_"I know it's tough Bella. But Dylan is worried about you. Neither of us wants you to be counting your suicide attempts like me. Or even succeeding in them. I can see you're in pain. I know you barely know me but I'm here for you." I nodded._

_"I promise I'll only stay here for the summer." I said._

_She smiled. "You can stay here for as long as you want." She squeezed my shoulder and stood out and walked out of the room._

* * *

I laid down on the- well my- bed for a while until Dylan came in.

"Are you just going to stay in here all day?" I nodded distantly. He shrugged and walked out.

I rolled over to my stomach and propped my head up on my hands. I stared at the empty closet and stood up with my bag in my hand. I emptied my clothes and organized and re-organized multiple times. I stood over by the window and stared out at it.

"Lunch!" Fiona yelled. I sighed and walked out of my room. Both of them were sitting on barstools at the counter.

I looked around the kitchen. "No table?" I asked.

Dylan smiled. "It's on the to do list still." I rolled my eyes and sat down in front of the plate. There was a grilled cheese, crunchy cheetos, and M & M's arranged in a smiley face. It was all of my favorites. Dylan was still smiling.

"You remembered." I stated. He nodded. I looked at Fiona's plate. There was a quarter of the sandwich separated from it and then a small handful of cheetos. I looked up at Dylan who ignored me.

"So Bella, it's a Sunday. What did you do with your Dad on Sunday's?" Fiona asked. I shrugged.

"Nothing." I said simply. "He went fishing."

"Your mom?"

"I was never home on the weekends. I wouldn't know what they did."

"Speaking of Charlie," Dylan started, "He called." I froze. Dammit. I should have known Alice and Edward would tell him where I was.

"And?" I asked.

"He wants to talk to you."

I shook my head as I chewed the gooey cheese and bread. "Tell him I'll talk to him in September when I go home." Dylan gave up and stuffed six cheetos in his mouth.

"Well we're going grocery shopping," Fiona burped mid sentence. "Do you want to come?"

I looked around the house. "No." Dylan scowled at me. I shot him one back. I noticed that even after I was done, Fiona still had food left on her plate.

A couple minutes later they left and I looked around the living room. There was a lot of pictures of Dylan and Fiona together. When you first walk into the house there is a picture of Dylan at about 5. You can see me running around in the background. The one next to it is of Fiona as a toddler with snowy hair, playing on a swing set. I smiled.

I walked into the kitchen. I noticed that there were no knives in the room. As I searched more, there were no shaving razors in any of the bathrooms. On one of the doors I saw a bright light streak through underneath the door. I opened and saw a plain white room. A window with no curtains or blinds let light shine in brightly. There was nothing in it besides a piece of paper on the clean wall. I walked over to it.

It said:

Boy Girl

Dylan Kylie

Bobert (lol) Jaylee

One who cries One who poops

Isaac Lucy

Brandon Bree

Logan Havilah

Elliot Ellie

You could tell almost every name was written at different times. My eyes kept going back and forth between Elliot and Ellie. They were the newest on the list and they were in the same color. One person wrote both. I don't think it was a coincidence.

I watched TV on the couch until Fiona and Dylan came home. Fiona said she felt sick so she went upstairs and took a nap. Dylan plopped down next to me.

"She needs to get better." I said quietly.

Dylan looked out at the big window at the front of the house. "I know."

"She's going to lose the baby if she doesn't."

"I know." He said blankly.

"You fucked up a lot."

"I know."

"You screwed her up."

"I know." I didn't have anything else to say so I looked away from him and at the stairs. "You need to tell someone."

"I know." I retorted.

"I told Fiona about Ellie, your boyfriend, Phil, mom, and the.."

"I know."

"You need help too."

"I know."

"You need to press charges on both Phil and that guy."

"I know."

"You need to talk to mom again."

"I know."

"You need to go back home instead of running away from facing your fears."

"I know." I stood up and walked up the stairs to their room to see Fiona about the name thing. I opened the door and found Fiona sprawled out on the bed. "Fiona?" I called. She moved a little bit. I rolled my eyes and walked away. I didn't want to wake her up if she was really that tired.

I walked back downstairs to my room.

**One week later.**

_Being a fourteen year old I never knew I could go that far with a guy. I thought we were only going to fool around. I was really wrong._

_You'd think I'd be lucky, since he asked me to dance. But you're wrong._

_It started with a kiss_

_It was a nice kiss, it was also my first, but I wouldn't let him know that._

_We went upstairs. We didn't do much though. Sucking. Moaning. Fingering. Stuff like that. But he kept going farther and farther._

_His hand slowly started going up my shirt. He bit on my ear. This made me uncomfortable. Then he whispered: Wanna take a ride?_

_Of course I said no. But that didn't stop him. I was done with him. I got my satisfaction, but I wasn't ready to go that far._

_"I don't want you to touch me!" I screamed._

_"No." I muttered, as he ripped my clothes off. "No!" I shrieked as he kissed my chest. "Jesus Christ, I said no!" I tried to struggle out of his grasp, but I was measly a fourteen year old, and he was the "cool" senior at my school._

_I tried to reach for my phone, he smacked my hand. "Don't you dare."_

_I stared distantly out of the window at the moon as I felt him enter me, unwanted. I had no control over my body now._

_"Listen, I'm sorry Bella. Don't tell anyone, okay? This never happened."_

_"Because if you do, I'll lie."_

_"And then you'll get in trouble for false accusations."_

_He pushed me into the headboard, I cried out in pain, and then he left the room._

_I gripped the covers, crying. I watched the blood dripping out of me. I got my clothes on and bundled up the disgusting blanket and threw it in the corner of the room._

_No one came for me. When I came home that night, my mother didn't even notice that I was distraught._

_I was still bleeding when I got home. Eventually I just put a towel in between my legs to stop it._

A ringing sound jolted me from my nightmare.

Disoriented, I realized my phone was the source. I checked the screen.

**Edward Calling**

I froze.

_Should I answer?_

I stared at it a couple of seconds. It was on it's fifth ring. I'd have to answer before it went to voicemail.

I pressed **Talk**.

"Hello?" I asked, my stomach churning.

"Bella?" His velvet voice asked, relieved. I remained quiet. "Did you get my letter yet?"

I shook my head no and remember he couldn't see me. I cleared my throat. "No."

"Oh, did I wake you up?"

I paced around my room. "It's fine. I was having a nightmare anyways." I heard him sigh.

"Everyone misses you."

"Okay."

"Especially me." I felt my heart twitch and then collapse.

"I don't know if I'll come back."

"I know." He said sadly.

"It hurts too much there. I just need to stay here for the summer at least."

"Alice says you've decided to stay longer."

I silently cursed her in my thoughts. "I told you I don't know yet."

"I should let you go."

I stifled back tears. "Okay. Wait, Edward?"

"Yes, love?"

I shut my eyes. "I love you. So much. Don't forget about me. Please." I hung up the phone before he could respond.

"Bella!" Fiona shouted. I jumped.

I opened my door. "Yeah?"

"We're going grocery shopping." I smiled slightly. I quickly learned their little things. Fiona went grocery shopping every Sunday after lunch. Every Wednesday she goes to 7 Eleven and buys some kind of junk food. She always eats a little bit and gives the rest to us. Dylan buys a new flower for her Every Tuesday. Tuesday was the day the Fiona tried to kill herself for the second time and when they met. Fiona watches crime shows all day long. I've grown to like them too. Dylan takes a picture of Fiona everyday. He also video tapes _everything_. He records us eating, making food, sitting outside. Dylan says he's making a documentary. Fiona looks at houses everyday in Forks. Although I think she just started that.

Fiona walked to me. "You slept in late today."

"Yeah, there was some marathon on last night. You should have watched it with me."

"Ok well, we're leaving-"

I slipped my flip flops on. "Can I come with you guys?"

She smiled brightly. "Yes! Of course!"

I followed her to the car where Dylan was waiting for us.

* * *

**A/N: Like I said up there, I'm going through a tough time, so PLEASE stick with this story.**

**REVIEW**


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: Hey guys! I found that I'll actually update if I've written chapters ahead of where they're uploaded here on fanfiction. Today alone I've written at least three chapters!  
**

**Chapter Playlist: How You Love Me Now- Hey Monday Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have With Her Clothes On- Panic! At the Disco Far- Zly (Zac Farro) What the Hell- Avril Lavigne Josey- Hey Monday Need You Now- Lady Antebellum Crushcrushcrush- Paramore The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia- Reba McEntire New- No Doubt Ain't No Rest For the Wicked- Cage the Elephant Ex-Girlfriend- No Doubt All We Know- Paramore Breakeven- The Script Trapped In a Box- No Doubt White Horse- Taylor Swift**

* * *

**_Previously_**

_I slipped my flip flops on. "Can I come with you guys?"_

_She smiled brightly. "Yes! Of course!"_

_I followed her to the car where Dylan was waiting for us._

* * *

All three of us piled into the mini van and Dylan drove to the store. When I hopped out, Dylan walked to get junk food (it was his way of trying to get Fiona better) and Fiona and I walked to the fruits. She arranged the fruits in the stand that she liked. Eventually I got tired of just standing there. "Fiona?" I asked. "What are you doing?"

She looked around and blushed. She got her food and we met up with Dylan at the deli. We strolled through the aisles. I hate to admit it, but it was actually fun. Dylan and Fiona have a game where they race to get the most items on the aisle. When we're standing at the end of the aisle, dumping the groceries into the cart, we watch people staring at us.

"I'm surprised you guys haven't gotten kicked out of the market yet." I laughed when we were at checkout. Fiona smiled.

We ran to the parking lot. I was pushing the cart, chasing Dylan.

There was a slight drizzle outside and we threw the groceries into the trunk.

Dark clouds rolled in as we got into the car. "It's going to rain." Fiona stated.

Here in Pheonix, it rained, but it didn't really rain a lot. Probably only three or four times a year. We got back to the house and quickly put the food away so we could go outside. We sat down on the lawn as a heavy rain fell on us. Dylan stood up and grabbed Fiona's hand.

"May I have this dance?" She smiled her grin and stood up. Their arms wrapped around each other as they slow danced, getting even more soaked than before.

When lightening started to strike we went inside. We stood around the kitchen drinking coffee. My brown curls clung to my face.

Fiona cocked her head to the side. "Can I cut your hair?" She asked. I shook my head violently. "Dylan get the scissors for me?" She pouted and Dylan smiled deviously as I begged him not to. He went upstairs and grabbed a pair. He came back down and handed them to her. "We're also going to dye your hair." She smirked.

"No!" I shrieked. I cowered into the chair as she came closer.

"Yes Bella!"

"Be careful Bells! You'll be her mini me by the end of the night." Dylan laughed.

Then she was in front of me.

"For a pregnant woman, you move quite fast." She scowled and moved her hand towards my hair. Next thing I knew, I saw a brown curl fall to the tile. "You didn't!" I yelled. She smiled. "I might as well let you finish." I grumbled.

After a couple minutes she dragged me to her bathroom. I looked into the mirror. My waist length hair was now chopped off at my shoulders. I have to say though, she did a good job. "You made my side bangs bangs too thick." I complained to her. She was opening a cabinet to reveal shelves of hair dye.

"That was the point."

"Holy crap. It's like your own Manic Panic store." She smiled and raised her eyebrows. She pointed to each bottle as she listed them.

"Bleach Blonde?"

"No."

"Orange?"

I shook my head.

"Purple?"

"No."

"Light Purple?"

I laughed. "No."

"Dark Purple."

"Maybe."

"Maybe means yes." She plopped it onto the counter. "Lean over." She said as she slipped rubber gloves on. I cringed and obeyed her.

* * *

"What did I let you do?" I asked as I stared at my dark purple hair in the mirror.

I tugged on my hair. It looked black, but under the light you can see the purple. I huffed and walked out to the kitchen where Dylan started laughing hysterically at me.

"Bella, you've gone to the dark side."

I smiled sarcastically. "I've noticed."

I sat down and then Fiona plopped down next to me. We sat there and waited for the pizza guy to come.

"It actually looks really good." Fiona said.

I rolled my eyes and glared at Dylan who was laughing again.

* * *

"Bella! You've got mail!" Fiona yelled the next morning.

I hurried out of my room to where Fiona stood by the front door. On the weekdays we were stuck at home unless we wanted to go by foot since Dylan had to work.

I grabbed the envelope laying flat on her palm that was sticking out. My heart fluttered. I knew who it would be from. I walked over to the couch and sat down, debated whether or not to open it. Eventually I tore it open and a picture fell to my lap. I flipped it over and scanned my eyes over the two people in it. Well the person and the baby. Me and Ellie.

_I sat down in the rocking chair as pictures were being take of Ellie. I rubbed my calves, the edge of my thumbnail gently pricking my skin. I pressed into it._

_ Then a nurse opened the thing that they keep premies in. Rosalie pointed the camera at me as Ellie was in the hands of the nurse. I braced myself for holding my child for the first time. Then I felt the softness of the furry blanket beneath her as she was before me, in my own arms. I felt a grin spread onto my lips. The camera in Edward's hand flashed at us. The beeping noise on the machines got louder and more urgent, but I ignored it, embracing the moment. I caressed her small cheek with my pinky. The lights were dim in the room so the cover could be take off her eyes. She stared at me with wonder. I could feel her breathing against my chest. I sighed in content._

_ "Hi, I'm your mommy." I whispered. I kissed forehead gently. "I love you."_

_ "Shit!" Rosalie exclaimed. "Emmett, I told you to make sure the batteries were charged!" She playfully slapped his arm. I giggled._

_ She closed her eyes and her breaths came more and more slow. Until I didn't feel anything anymore and then the dead beep of the machines broke into the air. I looked up and saw Rosalie's face in shock and then Edward drop my camera on the floor as he ran to get the nurse._

I realized it was the last picture of Ellie.

I looked happy there as I looked down at my dying baby. Rosalie is in the back round with the camera in her hands. Edward's finger is ever so slightly covering the lens, barely noticeable. But I know that snow colored skin anywhere.

"Is that her?" Fiona asked. I jumped, not knowing she was standing right behind me. "He wasn't kidding, she was born really early." Sadness spread onto her face as she looked at the picture.

"That was right before she died- while I was holding her." I said lifelessly.

Fiona walked around the couch and sat down next to me. I looked into the envelop and found more pictures. Multiple ones of me and Ellie, but mostly they were of the infamous baby herself.

"Can I have one?" Fiona asked.

I nodded and handed her one of Ellie.

She shook her head. "One of both of you." She smiled. I looked through it and found one that I was willing to give away. She placed it on the coffee table. "I'll have Dylan put it up later.

There were also pieces of paper in there, but I vowed to read them later.

I kept going through the small stack of pictures and came across Edward and my prom picture. You can see my bump sticking out. I smiled. There were other pictures of Edward and I. Then the last one was of me sitting with my right side facing the camera. I had no idea when this was taken, but it was beautiful. I'm looking down at my stomach, rubbing it with my hands. I'm smiling and sitting by a lake. I'm thinking this must have been something with Edward.

"You have to promise me you'll take care of yourself during this pregnancy." I murmured. Fiona looked at me strangely. "I had this baby in me a lot longer than you did with your first child. I actually thought there was a chance of her surviving those days after birth. But then she was still taken away from me."

"It isn't fair isn't it? When shit happens?" She asked. I noticed she didn't say she would get better.

"No it isn't fair." I turned and stared at her green eyes. "Please promise."

"I promise."

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**A/N: REVIEW :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: I don't think that I have a lot to say at the moment...**

* * *

_Previously:_

"It isn't fair isn't it? When shit happens?" She asked. I noticed she didn't say she would get better.

"No it isn't fair." I turned and stared at her green eyes. "Please promise."

"I promise."

* * *

Later that night when Fiona and Dylan were fast asleep I pulled out the envelope full of pictures from Edward. There was a letter that my fingers slipped out.

I unfolded it and my eyes read each word carefully.

**My Dearest Bella,**

**I attached the lyrics to two songs that I think can relate to both of us in more ways than one.**

**We held a funeral for Ellie here in Forks shortly after you left. I didn't think that I should've sent you those pictures. A lot of people care for you here Bella. Practically the whole town was there shedding tears. Including Mike.**

**I shuddered as I read his mention of Mike.**

**I know your relationship was volatile with him, but he lost his baby girl too. Maybe you should talk to him.**

**Alice says that you won't be leaving Phoenix. If this does happen, than I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that we meet again, my love. I hope you find someone that makes you happy, and who can give you a real life. I love you too Bella. No matter what, I will always have a place for you in my stone heart.**

**Love,**

**Edward.**

I looked at the lyrics to the songs that he talked about, and skimmed them over.

_**Someone Like You**_

**I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited, **  
** But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it, **  
** I had hoped you'd see my face, **  
** And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over, Nevermind, I'll find someone like you, **  
** I wish nothing but the best for you, too, **  
** Don't forget me, I beg, **  
** I remember you said, **  
** "Sometimes it lasts in love, **  
** But sometimes it hurts instead," **

** Nothing compares, **  
** No worries or cares, **  
** Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made, **  
** Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?**

**_My Immortal_**

**I'm so tired of being here**  
** Suppressed by all my childish fears**  
** And if you have to leave**  
** I wish that you would just leave**  
**Your presence still lingers here**  
** And it won't leave me alone**

** These wounds won't seem to heal**  
** This pain is just too real**  
** There's just too much that time cannot erase**  
**_  
_**** When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**  
** When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**  
** And I held your hand through all of these years**  
** But you still have**  
** All of me**

** You used to captivate me**  
** By your resonating light**  
** Now I'm bound by the life you left behind**  
** Your face it haunts**  
** My once pleasant dreams**  
** Your voice it chased away**  
** All the sanity in me**

**These wounds won't seem to heal**  
** This pain is just too real**  
** There's just too much that time cannot erase**

**** **When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**  
**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**  
**And I held your hand through all of these years**  
**But you still have**  
**All of me**

** I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone**  
** But though you're still with me**  
** I've been alone all along**

**When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears**

**When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears**  
**And I held your hand through all of these years**  
**But you still have**  
**All of me**

I wiped away the tears that were rolling down my face. I threw the letters to the ground and collapsed onto my bed with the sobs ripping through me.

"I'm so sorry Edward," I murmured. "I didn't mean to cause you pain." I shut my eyes. "I should be the only one suffering."

I looked back over the last song. Edward was right. It does have meaning for both of us. When ever I looked at it, it just screamed, Ellie, to me. But for Edward it must have screamed me.

I picked up the scattered pieces of paper and put them in a drawer along with the photos.

As the summer went on, things changed around my new home.

The first day the baby stuff was in sight, I stood there staring at it, until Fiona dragged me out for a walk. I even went along with them for their doctor appointments. The last one, Fiona found out she was having a girl. She was ecstatic and it was something else to see their joy as they watched their baby through the ultrasound.

Fiona smiled at me and said, "There's your neice." She won't tell me the name yet.

Her stomach got a lot bigger within those two and a half months. It was amazing to observe. I did everything in my power to keep her healthy. I didn't want her to experience what I did.

I decided the last week of summer that I wanted to go back home. I tried to keep it a secret from everyone in Forks besides Charlie. Dylan wasn't sure.

"Only if you press charges against that guy who-"

"OK." I interrupted. "I promise I will."

They decided to come to Forks with me, they wanted to look at houses and visit Charlie. They also said they wanted to visit Ellie's grave.

I got used to the little cramped room I spent the last couple of months in. On my last day in Arizona, I woke up early and walked around the house. It's changed a lot since the day I came. There's baby strollers and clothes scattered around, waiting for organizing. There are a lot of pictures up around the house with me in them. I smiled at one of me and Fiona painting the baby nursery.

I sat on the couch until they woke up. When they did, Dylan made a big, going away, breakfast. Fiona ate a lot of it. Dylan and I exchanged smiles. When we were done it was time to leave. The car ride was silent on the way to the airport.

Before I knew it we landed in Port Angeles. They got their rental car and we drove to Forks. Fiona kept chirping about how excited she was to live here. They wanted to move before the baby was born. I didn't tell Charlie that Dylan was visiting with his pregnant wife that Charlie has yet to meet.

We past the bundle of trees and the long pathway that led to the Cullen house. I felt my stomach ache. Fiona looked back at me. "What's wrong?" She inquired.

I shook my head. "That's Edward's house." I pointed back to where we just drove by.

She smiled. "You miss him. I can tell. You really do love him, don't you."

I nodded nervously.

We continued to drive into Forks. I couldn't help the tears in my eyes.

Dylan found his way to Charlie's street and we pulled into the driveway with his police cruiser. There was also some nice car. I looked at it.

Charlie must have told someone I was coming home.

I rolled my eyes as I got out.

My heart raced as the three of us walked up the porch to the door.

"Should I knock?" I whispered to Dylan. He shrugged.

"You do technically live here, don't you?"

I nodded and opened the door.

I stepped in first, motioning for them to stay outside first.

"Dad?" My voice echoed. I heard people talking quietly in the back of the house. An excited Charlie jogged out of the kitchen.

"Bella!" He exclaimed. He sprung his arms around me and I hugged him back. "We've missed you so much." He said softly. He pulled away. "So how's Dylan?"

I smiled. "Why don't you see for yourself."

Dylan walked in with Fiona behind him.

Charlie's eyes brightened as he hugged him.

"Hey Dad." Dylan said casually. Charlie laughed. He pointed to a smiley Fiona.

"And who is this?"

Dylan put his arm around her. "Fiona, my wife." Charlie seemed taken aback.

"How come I'm just finding out that I have a daughter in law?" He laughed again. His eyes danced to Fiona's ballooning belly. "And grandchild?" He raised his eyebrows.

She nodded and shook his hand. "Granddaughter actually."

I noticed Charlie sadly glance at me before congratulating the happy couple.

He looked back at me. "Bella, there's actually a surprise for you in the kitchen." I furrowed my brows as I walked in.

I felt like I was dreaming when the sight of Edward sitting at the table with his crooked smile on his face greeted me.

The world stopped as I smiled back at him.

* * *

**A/N: Eeeeek!**

**Review gets you a sneak peek of the next chapter, so REVIEW :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: I have so much planned for this story, and I'm just incredibly excited!**

**Chapter Playlist: Rolling In the Deep- ADELE**

**Special thanks to hopelessromanticgurl and and Esme Nicole Cullen for reviewing last chapter.**

* * *

_Previously:_

_He looked back at me. "Bella, there's actually a surprise for you in the kitchen." I furrowed my brows as I walked in._

_I felt like I was dreaming when the sight of Edward sitting at the table with his crooked smile on his face greeted me._

_The world stopped as I smiled back at him._

* * *

"Edward," escaped through my lips. Then it hit me that I was staring into his golden eyes. "Edward," I whispered again. He ran up to me as fast as he could since it was only me in the room.

He put his hands on my shoulders as he examined me. He smiled brightly. "You cut your hair," He murmured as his hand fumbled in my now faded purple/black hair. He hugged me. "You got skinny," He said in my ear. I pulled away and weakly laughed.

"Did you expect me to keep my pre-" I stopped as my throat froze. I coughed, "Uh, my belly." He snaked his arms around my waist again. "How did you know I was coming home?" I asked quietly.

He smirked. "Alice."

I kissed his cheek. "I'm so glad to be back home." I said sincerely.

He smoothed back my hair. "Really?" I nodded. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to me. I smiled as that tingly feeling went through my body.

"I've missed you so much." I muttered.

He sighed contently. "So have I."

He grabbed my hand and then we walked back into the living room where Fiona, Dylan, and Charlie were catching up with each other. Fiona looked up at me and then at Edward. She smiled.

"Ahem," I interrupted.

I looked at Dylan and Fiona. "This is my boyfriend, Edward."

Dylan looked at him and said, "We've heard a lot about you over the summer." He paused, "And thank you for taking care of my sister and being there for her when she needed it." He said quietly.

He nodded. "And thank you for giving her a place to stay for the past couple of months." He smiled.

I gestured to them. "And Edward this is my brother, Dylan, and his wife, Fiona."

I could tell he was reading her mind as little flickers of different emotions washed over his face. I tugged on his arm. "Let's leave them to their conversation."

We walked out and sat on the porch.

We sat down and I leaned into his lap as he cradled me in his arms. "She's been through a lot hasn't she?" Edward asked.

I nodded. "Sadly."

"I know what the baby's name is." He gloated.

I rolled my eyes. "Please tell me. That's not fair." I pouted.

He shook his head. "It's a sincere and nice surprise."

"It has to do with Ellie. Doesn't it?" I asked.

He shook his head. "Not technically."

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, you confuse the hell out of me." I said laughing.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you make me love you even more every minute of the day." I blushed and he bent down and kissed me.

I looked out at the nice car sitting in the driveway. "Yours?" I asked.

"I only use it on special occasions. Carlisle says it's bit too flashy to be driving around Forks."

I laughed. "He's definitely right."

He looked at me sadly as he placed both his hands on my face. "Love, I hope you know you can talk to me about anything." I cringed.

"Okay." I muttered.

He sighed. "Do you have anything you want to tell me?"

I shook my head slowly, a single tear rolling down my race. He kissed it away and then kissed me intensly.

"I do have something to tell you." I croaked quietly as I closed my eyes.

He froze and moved his hands down to my waist to hold me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No." I simply said. I internally smacked myself.

_Dammit, Bella. Just say the words out loud. I was raped. I was raped. I was raped._

I can't say those words.

"I can't say it outloud." I whispered. "It hurts to much. It makes it seem real. I can't tell _you_."

His face faltered. "Bella, it is real. You need to tell somebody."

"I have." I said quickly.

"An adult?"

"Alice and Rosalie count as adults, don't they?" I asked.

Anger sketched his face. "It's that isn't it?" He asked.

I pulled away and stood up. "I don't know what your talking about." I squeaked.

"Bella, I read Alice's mind at the prom. They've been keeping your secret. And so has your brother and Fiona."

"What secret?" I tried to lie.

He walked up to me and kissed me softly.

"I can tell that you physically can't talk about it with me." He wrapped an arm around me and we walked back inside.

He kissed my forehead as we walked up the stairs to my room.

I swung open my door. I started to walk in when I noticed the baby stuff scattered around. I started breathing really fast until the first tear fell.

Once I noticed all the stuff, I couldn't escape the stares of the inanimate objects. I struggled out of Edward's arm and ran to the basket of baby clothes. I ran out with it in my hands and threw it down the stairs.

I heard three gasps as I sobbed. I stumbled back in and dragged the crib. I pushed it has hard as I could until it made a noise when it collided with the floor downstairs.

"Bella, calm down." Edward tried to soothe. I ignored him and continued to go and forth from my room to the stairs dumping all of what could have been.

It wasn't until twenty minutes later that I fell into Edward's cold arms, crying, as Charlie and Dylan picked up the things scattered along the stairs, while Fiona was sitting with us, helping Edward comfort me.

He picked me up in his arms. "She needs to really come to terms with this." He said to Fiona. She nodded and we all got into their rental car.

I continued to thrash around in Edward's arms.

We got to a graveyard. He held my hand as we approached a little secluded spot under a tree. Their was a gravestone and I refused to read it.

"No!" I yelled.

"Bella, you're waking up the dead." Dylan remarked. I glared at him.

I fell down to the ground. My eyes finally met the words,

**RIP**

**ELLIE ROSE SWAN**

**HER LITTLE PRESENCE WILL ALWAYS LINGER HERE.**

There were little stepping stones with words engraved arranged around the stone.

I read each one.

**"Blessed sister, beautiful one**  
**with broken wings.**  
**Your journey is a difficult one**  
**that no mother should have to endure.**  
**Your path is steep, rocky and slippery**  
**and your tender heart is in need of gentle healing."**

**"Breathe deeply and know that you are loved.**  
**You are not alone,**  
**though at times, you will feel like a**  
**desolate island of grief**  
**untouchable**  
**distant.**  
**Close your eyes.**  
**Seek the wisdom of women who have walked this well-worn path before you,**  
**before,**  
**and before,**  
**and before you yourself were born.**  
**These beautiful ones**  
**with eyes like yours**  
**have shared your pain, and**  
**weathered the storms of loss.**

**You are not alone (breathe in) ****You will go on (breathe out) ****Your wings will mend (breathe in) ****You are loved (breathe out)"**

**"How very softly**  
**you tiptoed into my world.**  
**Almost silently;**  
**Only a moment you stayed.**  
**But what an imprint**  
**Your footprints have left**  
**On our hearts"**

**"To Remember Is Painful**  
**To Forget Is Impossible."**

**"Now I lay you down to sleep,**  
**I pray the Lord your soul to keep;**  
**Within his arms he'll hold you tight,**  
**My Heavenly Angel, My Guiding Light."**

**"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too PRECIOUS to forget!"**

**"Our hearts still ache with sadness, And Secret tears still flow, Was it meant to lose you, No one can ever know."**

**"Losing a baby is not a thing you could ever get used to."**

I read the last one, right in front of where my baby was buried.

_**"A moment in our arms...a lifetime in our hearts."**_

There was that picture of me and Ellie in a frame sitting next to it. A smile spread onto my lips.

Edward crouched down next to me. "It was Rose's idea to do the little quotes. It kind of a memorial for people that have lost a child or anyone in particular, but mostly it's for our Ellie. Every single time I visit her, there's someone else here, crying." He said softly. "Everyone in Forks has visited grave. It is important for more than just us."

I looked up at him. "I needed this." I said sincerely.

He smiled. "I know."

* * *

**A/N:** **I got these quotes for pregnancylossribbons(dot)com**

**It really is an inspiring website, but saddening too (which is kind of expected).**

**REVIEW :) It'll get you sneak peek of the next chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT**

**A/N: I only got one review last chapter, but I'm not going to let that bring me down! Anyways thank you to Esme Nicole Cullen for the review!**

**This chapter isn't really anything special, just kind of a filler.**

* * *

Later that night we went out to dinner, and Edward tagged along.

Charlie was telling Fiona and Edward the few childhood memories he had of me and Dylan. I could tell that Edward enjoyed hearing them.

Later that night, when Dylan and Charlie were asleep, I noticed Fiona sitting outside in the backyard. She was crying. After a few seconds of my watching, she wiped away the tears and got up. I listened to her go back into the house. I decided that if she wanted to talk about it she would have come up and gotten me.

"Hey." Someone murmured in my room. I smiled and turned back to my window to see Edward standing in front of it. I turned off my light as Edward hopped onto my bed. I walked over to my bed and I laid down in his arms.

"School starts Monday." Edward whispered.

I rested my head on his chest. "I know."

"Are you ready to go back?" He asked.

I bit my lip. "I don't really know. I guess we'll see." I shrugged.

He kissed my head. "I've missed you so much." He sighed.

I snuggled closer to him. "Me too."

"Did you ever get my letter?"

My heart stopped. "Yes, I did." I turned my head to look at him. "And I don't ever want to hear that from you again." I said seriously.

He smiled slightly. "What? That I love you?" I nudged him playfully.

"No, don't ever say that I would leave you." I paused, "Because I wouldn't, Edward Cullen. I love you too much to ever stray. My heart belongs to you, and only you."

He laughed. "That's enough to last me until I no longer have you."

I rolled my eyes. "You just did it again." He looked at me questioningly. "You talked about me leaving."

He shook his head. "That's not what I meant."

I looked away as I realized he meant when I died. I sucked in a hard breath. "But you're going to change me eventually, aren't you?" He looked down and fumbled with my hand. I yanked it away and pulled his face towards mine. "You're going to leave me a human. A weak, fragile human?"

"But, Bella. That's how it's supposed to be."

"Not in my life." I said. "I don't have a normal life."

"Well we'd have to discuss it." He said hoarsely.

I sat upright. "We are, right now. Aren't we?"

"Bella-"

I twisted my mouth and then fell back onto my bed, facing away from him.

"I'm going to die." I muttered dramatically. "Every second of the day I'm dying."

"Let's get through senior year first." He grumbled. "Bella, I swore that day that I saw the bruises on your face at the police station that I would never hurt you. You have no idea how painful the change is. I couldn't do it."

I rolled my eyes, ignoring him. "One day I'll die. And you'll look back and remember this conversation and you'll regret not changing me."

He laughed. "Bella, stop being a drama queen." He wrapped his arms around and planted his lips on my jugular.

I smiled.

"So you wouldn't mind if I just nonchalantly bit your neck. Right now."

I shrugged. "Not at all."

I could feel his grin against my skin. "Well that's not happening. Not today anyway."

I cradled his arms that were in front of me.

"You know how sometimes there's people that have trouble getting pregnant?" He rested his hand on mine as he nodded. "I hope that my loss gives at least one couple a gain, you know? Like the moment I lost Ellie, they found out there were having their miracle baby." I bit my lip.

"That's a very wonderful thing to wish for." Edward murmured.

* * *

The weekend was soon over and Monday morning came.

I woke up and walked downstairs to see Fiona already up. She was sipping coffee and sitting at the table. I poured a mug and sat down next to her.

"So how do you like Forks?" I asked. I've spent the past couple days with Edward and not with my family.

She smiled. "I loooovvvve it. It's just that whole small town feel, you know?" I nodded. I liked it too…. At times. "Do you need a ride for school, or is Edward taking you?"

"No, I'm taking my truck." I glanced out the window at my rusty truck. I haven't driven it in months. It will probably fall apart when I step inside it. I sighed. "But I'll let you know if the plans change."

After a couple of minutes of chatting with her, I went back upstairs to get ready.

I wore plain jeans and a shirt. Nothing special. Before I knew it, I was on the way to school.

I parked next to Edward. He was waiting in his car for me. I smiled at him as I got out.

Stares bore into my back.

He glided out and jogged over to me. He enveloped me into his arms.

"Everyone's staring at me." I complained.

He kissed my forehead. "Oh well."

Throughout the rest of the day I was getting stares and murmurs. During my class before lunch I walked out with the pass. I had to get out. I scaled through the hallways pretending as if I was looking for a bathroom. I walked past a math class and saw Alice smiling at me when I was by the door.

I continued to trudge through the school until I heard someone shout my name.

"Bella!"

I froze at the hideous voice. "Go away." I gritted through my teeth as I walked forward.

"You can't ignore me forever! She was my daughter too!"

I stopped in my tracks and stared down at the floor. "Can you just leave me alone, Mike? I'm still dealing with it."

I spun around on my heel and stomped away.

"What makes you think I've already dealt with it?"

I clenched my fists as I turned around again. "It's different. She was a part of me for months. And then poof, just like that, she was gone. She was in your penis for like five seconds." I rolled my eyes and walked away.

I went back to class and waited for lunch to come.

The minute I stepped into the cafeteria Alice swept me into her arms. "Oh Bella!" She squealed. "Edward said you were back!"

I struggled to get out of her incredibly strong grip.

"Alice-" I breathed. "You're supposed to be human, remember?"

She laughed and let go. We sat down and waited for Edward.

Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper graduated last year, so it would be just the three of us sitting at the Cullen table.

"Can you believe we're seniors?" Alice sarcastically.

I laughed. "How many times _have_ you graduated?"

She shrugged. "I stopped counting."

"So did I." I voice said behind me. I turned around to Edward grinning at me.

He sat on the other side of me and all three of us chatted through the lunch hour.

* * *

"Do you want to come over my house this afternoon? Everyone would love to see you." Edward said to me as we walked out of school when the day ended.

I shook my head. "No, I want to be alone."

He sadly smiled at me. He leaned in for a kiss. I pecked him and them hopped into my truck.

I didn't know where I wanted to go but I found myself in La Push, parked by the beach. I jumped out and walked over the sand.

I grimaced as I felt the sand get into my shoes. I plopped down on a stump and pulled my knees up to my chest.

Dark thoughts raced through my head. I shook them off and went home.

* * *

**A/N: review :)**


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